I haven't been blogging much. This is not so surprising, coming from a talker. But interesting things still happened in 2009, mainly me rising out of high school. I have been wanting to do this since I was fourteen, seeing a then 16-year old deviantART member do it, get her GED, and start college early. That cleared drop-out misconceptions. Leaving school can let you start, not end life. Too bad I didn't have courage before; my parents were not supportive. I also worried about controversy and proving things. Well, what proof? Proof about independence. My grandfather told me, "If you want to leave school, prove to your mom that you can depend on yourself. Work, drive, make money..."
Proof. I learned I had nothing to prove. If you spend life giving proof, nothing will be done. You are not enjoying yourself. The mind is stuck, thinking, "What will the others think"? True success is about taking things into depth, finding their beauty. That is easy because it only happens when such things give pleasure. I guess that is why I hardly give a damn about job hunting. :D
What if the desire to prove remains? Don't worry! Making something work could show your point and minimize doubt. What if they still don't believe you? Sorry to hear. Not everyone cares about understanding you. Some stick to what is seen as right. Realize that you cannot please everyone. If one guy thinks you're selfish because "teenagers are like that", in spite of other teens' and your own maturity, don't let that hurt. You are not a bad person because some people see you negatively. What is said can be perceptions, nothing else. Perceptions hurt less, seeing that they may not be true.
Rising out of school helped me purge. In spite of others' harassment, I needed this. People need time for peace and little expectations. I know, because I push myself too many requirements, without fulfillment. What was instead done was relaxing things, or at least things easily done. Hardship not necessarily being easy work but things you do with little thought. Doing it just happens.
Either way, I worked. My mom convinced me with her weakness. Hahaha! Not really. The healthcare industry is having hardships, and she needed my help. It's not the best job but I gained some practical experiences. My first check, with one hundred American dollars, was received in August. I'm glad I can now maintain my own money with my new bank account, around since this year. ;) It was painful and embarrassing having to ask mom for her cash.
Don't forget the twenty-some year old friend I made at the office. She helped me learned the basics. Not that, really. Her being nice was remarkable. Too bad she had to leave; my mom couldn't afford many workers, thanks to healthcare problems. I wish her good things now and in the next year.
January '09 was the first time I walked outside of the nieghbourhood by myself, the first destination being the public library. April '09 was the first time I've taken public transit, at least alone. My first round trip: Vizcaya on a Tuesday, and the second trip: a homeschooling meet-up on Thursday. Ah, yes! The meet-up. How beautiful is it to turn your beliefs into reality? I finally saw homeschoolers in person. They're mostly school-at-home, but still great. The moms and children were welcoming, and if not, committed and courageous. Seeing others devote themselves to homeschooling is admirable and rarely seen. Not many would defy the majority. 2 December was when I found unschooling moms in another homeschooling group. We discussed things, both the good and what I'm not fond of (work). It happens; I'm easily misunderstood for not speaking and writing clearly. In this case, I seemed lost in fantasy-land for not wanting work. Sure, I don't like traditional work, but I'm aware I need (and want...*wink*) some money for a living. I'll always be on Earth, my home, my soul. It's just...you know, our society. I'm not "in sync" with everyone else.
This year was also Dream Autonomy's premiere. I got to comment on unschoolers' words. It's a different experience from reading The Teenage Liberation Handbook; bloggers talk of their everyday lives, along with philosophies. Philosophies not just being unschooling but also politics, religion, living, and eating (e.g. anarchy, vegetarianism, attachment parenting, sex, drugs, and rock n roll; etc.). Everyone is human after all!
Ordinary stuff: I'm closer to vegetarianism, which is something I've been wanting to try for a while. I just bought two vegan recipe books on Tuesday (Veganomicon and Vegan With A Vengeance). Inspirations, including unschooling, So You Think You Can Dance, theatre, Rasputina and Lady Gaga (What?! Sure, Gaga's mainstream, but her clothes and music videos are quite interesting.), allowed my love of art to flow. I've had this black paper-clip necklace on hold since early August, and now, with my soon-to-come mannequin, I can finish it. Having a form to hold your creation is reassuring. Music is inspiring my soul again. Thank you Love Child (my new iPod Touch) for holding those beautiful songs. I don't know who knows how heavenly music is. It is like enhancing onself, becoming an artist and a work of art, an aspiring musician.
Thank you, 2009! You were not perfect, but helped me learn. A new-found maturity's helping me become one with the world and with myself. Today I felt my evolution becoming, and I love it!
Writing all this brings hope for 2010. Let's hope next year's as good or even better. Let me end this by wishing everyone a Happy New Year with growth and happiness.
EDIT: Don't be surprised about occassional edits; I enjoy fixing mistakes. :)
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